Sometimes Disciple of Daily Self-Discipline
I’m an absolute believer in the power of a disciplined daily combined practice of meditation, slow movement (chi kung), functional movement and breathing dynamics. I know how good it makes me feel. When I’m consistent with the practice I tap into a deep source of energy, I cultivate an easy calm presence and often feel like I’m in some great flow where events, people, places, things line up and support me in my pursuits. I know this. I’ve lived it. So why do I stop? Why do I let it all go when I know how good it is? Sometimes life just gets in the way. But when I do let it go and then come back to it, I come back with a renewed passion, a deeper connection and fresh inspiration. Maybe I’m not stuffing up completely by letting it go. Could there be wisdom in having a break, even if it’s unintentional?
Letting go of my practice certainly left me feeling a bit crappy, but that may be not be such a bad thing. That’s my discovery this week after events of the last month left me feeling out of sorts. A hugely busy month with a workshop and a busy clinic, then a trip interstate, followed by a emotionally challenging trip home. Out of routine, run down and a bit stressed. Possibly the best time to stick with the self care you might think and you’d be right. I did give myself a hard time for a bit. But this week as I’ve started working on developing and practising a slow movement sequence for the next work shop and feeling benefits of practising it. It occurred to me that I probably wouldn’t have been practising so much if I wasn’t feeling so yuck. So I’ve inadvertently stumbled on a reminder that this stuff works and that maybe I’d been taking it for granted.
Feeling yuck forced me to slow down. Slow down everything… moving, doing, talking, working. Feeling yuck made me question what wasn’t working. Feeling yuck was my body and mind’s way of telling me to change something. I felt tired, worn out and negative. I wallowed in it a bit and it once again it affirmed for me why I don’t believe in using positive thinking or affirmations. Feeling yuck is a message that something needs to change. Something more than my thoughts. So it was back into doing the stuff that makes me feel good, present and in the flow. I also intentionally took some time off, turned the computer off and went for some long, slow walks that weren’t about ‘exercising’, did some things that were about pampering and being kind to me.
So I’m back and reminded why a disciplined practice is so good. I’m loving my chi kung again. I can’t wait to share it again. I’m beginning to feel more present and energised once more. I know it’s crazy, if I’d kept going with the self-care maybe things wouldn’t have come unstuck. Maybe next time they won’t, either way I would’ve had the chance to practice some self-awareness…. after all isn’t that the whole point?