My Coach Yelled At Me

My Coach Yelled At Me

danielle rowarthI’m all about kindness and self-love.  After years of hearing self talk that was pretty nasty, I made a conscious decision to make some changes which hugely improved my self esteem.  It’s been great. However, after I got yelled at recently and the result was that I overcame a huge amount of fear.  So I’m now questioning whether I’ve gone too far the other way?

Agility has never been my thing.  I never tried jumping, balancing or hand standing as a child.  I started doing all of this at the age of 46 when I found a Movement Coach that opened my mind to the wonder of movement.  In the 18 months that we’ve worked together I’ve faced some challenges and achieved a lot.  I’m 6 kilos lighter, 100,000 times stronger and I feel 10 years younger.  Every session brings a new challenge, sometimes I meet the challenge and tick it off.  Other times the challenge beats me.  The coach is endlessly patient and encouraging.  He’s genuinely pleased when I master something and it’s not a problem when I don’t.  His work is more about the experience than the outcome.

Last session something happened that I didn’t expect.  I just couldn’t beat the fear that had me stuck and not committing to a jump. I had managed it previously but on this occasion after trying and not making it for 30 minutes, the coach yelled at me. It worked!  The jump that had beaten me time and time again became effortless as I got caught up in the moment fuelled by adrenaline that the shouting had sparked.  There was no anger or frustration in his shout, it was an encouraging, energised yell.

It got me thinking… in the effort to be ‘positive’ and kind to myself, have I lost the ability to propel myself when needed.  Has my super kindness killed of my internal motivational spark?  Is there an appropriate time to yell at myself?

Self-motivation is tricky.  That’s why there’s so many people making money out of being coaches right now.  We seem to need them.  I’m not saying that that’s a bad thing.  I’m just wondering where my sense of oomph around my self talk has gone.

I’ve got a couple of habits that I struggle to have discipline around.  Things that I’ve said I really must stop doing.  Years pass and I’m still doing them.  I’ve tried lots of different tactics to change, but in the end, nothing changes for long.

So I’m playing around with yelling at me.  It’s been a bit dodgy to start with, I got carried away and yelled at the kids… not a good look.  I’ve yelled at myself to get out of the shower and not stay there for 10 minutes, I’ve yelled at myself to get off Facebook, I’ve yelled at myself when I’ve been struggling to go out in the cold and move.  I’ve yelled at myself to make that scary jump again.

Verdict:  It’s worked!  There’s something about the rush of energy that creates an internal charge and it’s a voice that can’t be ignored.  The yell isn’t angry or mean. It’s energised, strong and motivating.

So I’m adding the Kind Yeller to my inner voice repertoire with some caveats though.

  • Yelling is for self-motivational purposes only
  • Yelling is to be used sparingly and kindly
  • Yelling is not to be used as a motivational tool with others (apologies to my children!)

I’ll keep playing around with it and watch how my self-motivation goes.  I get that there will be times when a soft approach is needed and times when it’s not.

Awareness, as always, is the key.

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